As we approach the holidays, visions of turkey and presents and family gatherings all float temptingly in our brains. After all, the last six weeks of the year are all about togetherness, right?
Not necessarily. Separation and divorce can be the exception to that long-held family rule, particularly at this time of the year. Emotions are heightened as we approach the holidays, which carry with them the expectations of shared parenting – and shared schedules.
Parents going through their first set of holidays apart can find themselves in unfamiliar space, jockeying for time with their kids and trying to manage competing schedules. As the acrimony level rises, patience can decline and tempers can flare.
This can be a bad recipe for childcare providers, whose first – and primary responsibility – is to ensure a safe environment for the children in their care. We always see an uptick in bad behavior and schedule struggles at this time of year for our childcare clients and wanted to share some tips that will make November and December easier:
- Ensure the custody order in place is enforced. We tell our clients never to go on faith and to request a copy of the court order so they can have it on file. Then stick to that order – no exceptions. This eliminates the need for daycare staff to make judgment calls and takes subjectivity out of the equation.
- Communicate adjustments to the classroom. It’s not enough for the administrative office to understand the custody arrangements. This needs to be communicated to the classroom teachers and aides to ensure they know who can – and who cannot – pick up a child.
- Enforce PPOs consistently. Personal protection orders can be used like sticks and carrots, punishing bad behavior and rewarding good. We see this often where a mom has taken a PPO order out against a dad, then comes in to tell the office, “He’s been better, it’s OK for him to pick up our child.” This puts the daycare team in the position of being a judge and can create serious liability and safety issues. It’s always best to stick to the order. If a parent pushes back, encourage them to go to court and get it amended.
- Be ready for events. Year-end can mean a spate of classroom parties, plays and performances that require both parents to appear in the same space at the same time. This can increase the likelihood of volatility and create potentially dangerous situations. We teach de-escalation strategies to our clients so they are equipped to remain calm during parental fireworks and quickly and safely calm all parties.